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lalalalalaaaa


actually i feel really good today!
i was recently in paris,and i noticed that all the girls are smoking.... although before i left i was totally against smoking even if i want to lose weight , now i just dont care. i even found pictures of many celebrities smoking including jessica alba and julia roberts...! yesterday i smoked one in my bathroom and today again at the roof. i always said to my mom she should stop and that i hate when she smokes next to me,so if she would know i am dead.
i feel good when i smoke alone-and not with everyone around me cuz then i feel like im trying to b something i am not.
no one needs to know i love smoking.

my mom is acting like crazy again-she tells me she is worried cuz i havent eat with the family together for some time and she said she wants to see me eating.
i really cant stand her anymore. from one hand she tells me i am eating unhealthy food and i should lose weight and from the other hand she force me to eat all the time.
sometimes i feel like i am not living and i am waiting for the time i can live by myself and eat(or not) when and how much i want. i know i cant blame my parents that i am having trouble with losing weight because if i would try harder - it is eventually up to me and not anyone else.

my only hope is dreaming about having control when living alone and losing allot of weight with no one interrupting.
today :
red bull-110
couscous-110
cooked vegetables-50
light bread with white cheese-60
coffee-40
cherry tomatoes-20
=
390

i feel my body respond and i feel thinner-lighter.
nothing tastes good as thin \ hunger feels.

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cryingirl
cryingirl

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