actually i feel really good today!
i was recently in paris,and i noticed that all the girls are smoking.... although before i left i was totally against smoking even if i want to lose weight , now i just dont care. i even found pictures of many celebrities smoking including jessica alba and julia roberts...! yesterday i smoked one in my bathroom and today again at the roof. i always said to my mom she should stop and that i hate when she smokes next to me,so if she would know i am dead.
i feel good when i smoke alone-and not with everyone around me cuz then i feel like im trying to b something i am not.
no one needs to know i love smoking.
my mom is acting like crazy again-she tells me she is worried cuz i havent eat with the family together for some time and she said she wants to see me eating.
i really cant stand her anymore. from one hand she tells me i am eating unhealthy food and i should lose weight and from the other hand she force me to eat all the time.
sometimes i feel like i am not living and i am waiting for the time i can live by myself and eat(or not) when and how much i want. i know i cant blame my parents that i am having trouble with losing weight because if i would try harder - it is eventually up to me and not anyone else.
my only hope is dreaming about having control when living alone and losing allot of weight with no one interrupting.
light bread with white cheese-60
i feel my body respond and i feel thinner-lighter.
nothing tastes good as thin \ hunger feels.
- Current Location:my room
- Current Mood: hopeful
- Current Music:mad world-gary jules