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where the wild things are

i lost some weight.now my mom is untolerable.i wanna live alone. i wanna leave home.my body-my roles.shit.

how low

i kinda hate life right now/
yesterday i ate a lot and it was also late---------really bad,i know.
especially it was after 4 days that were going good and i lost 2kg-now i am 56

but i want more and i am afraid i will eat today and everything would fall apart.
i have a really important exam which makes it even harder and scarier.................
yesterday:
coffee-40
slice of bread with cheese-55
broccoli-40
chicken-150
salad-90
watermelon-60
coffee-40
slice of pita-200
omg i realy dont want to keep writing but i must -to see how fat i am
3sauseges-300
rice-50
red bull-160
halva-120
chocolate cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =( -300
grapes-55

1650
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

at leat i went to swim in the morning
1 hour-520 cal burned



oh and p.s.
i have trouble sleeping and it sucks

....


yesterday i did pretty good+i lost 2 kg:
*2 cherry tomatoes-12
*labane-30
*1 geffen leaves with rice-100
*3 baby shrimps-60
*spoon of ice cream-20
= 222

today so far:
*half of peach-17
*watermelon-50
*diet chocolate ice cream-46
*SLICE OF CHOCOLATE CAKE-150
=113
i can eat no more than 50 today

lalalalalaaaa


actually i feel really good today!
i was recently in paris,and i noticed that all the girls are smoking.... although before i left i was totally against smoking even if i want to lose weight , now i just dont care. i even found pictures of many celebrities smoking including jessica alba and julia roberts...! yesterday i smoked one in my bathroom and today again at the roof. i always said to my mom she should stop and that i hate when she smokes next to me,so if she would know i am dead.
i feel good when i smoke alone-and not with everyone around me cuz then i feel like im trying to b something i am not.
no one needs to know i love smoking.

my mom is acting like crazy again-she tells me she is worried cuz i havent eat with the family together for some time and she said she wants to see me eating.
i really cant stand her anymore. from one hand she tells me i am eating unhealthy food and i should lose weight and from the other hand she force me to eat all the time.
sometimes i feel like i am not living and i am waiting for the time i can live by myself and eat(or not) when and how much i want. i know i cant blame my parents that i am having trouble with losing weight because if i would try harder - it is eventually up to me and not anyone else.

my only hope is dreaming about having control when living alone and losing allot of weight with no one interrupting.
today :
red bull-110
couscous-110
cooked vegetables-50
light bread with white cheese-60
coffee-40
cherry tomatoes-20
=
390

i feel my body respond and i feel thinner-lighter.
nothing tastes good as thin \ hunger feels.

food

today's food:
coffee 40
2 carrots 30
2 diet ice creams 92
salad100
lollipop20
1 egg 150
slice of bread with white cheese60
=
432

o.k.


ugggg


i got my period again after a long time...which is not a good sign!!!
i wanna sleep for 100 days and wake up looking thin as daria werbowy!
today i drank 2 cups of coffee and ate one carrot. need to lose some extra weight already - i know its what i want.
what i want?
*to be able to wear a short dress\shorts and feel good with how i look
*to be able to wear 34 size jeans and that he would be a little loose
*to be able to wear only undershirt and look good
*to walk at the beach with a swimsuit and feel thin and beautiful
*to sweat less than others when it is hot
*to sit and dont feel my belly fat folding
*to weat tights and see that my legs are so skinny
*to look good even in something ugly
and so much more!!

i hate when plans get disrupted
but now it is not going to happened-i am in control now


i have control


i ate lunch.... my mom insisted to eat together.
salmon+salad+kinoa = 500?
+i ate before one carrot

i lost 1 kg.
i should be happy, but it is not enough.......

something inspiring-" DON'T WISH FOR IT-WORK FOR IT"

May. 4th, 2009


i just woke up and i ate 2 carrots with some cottage cheese. i think its something about 90-100

i cant eat more than 300 today.
i need coffee !!!!!!!!!!1 so now i gonna add 50 calories....


150

weight


cw:125(57kg)
gw#1:117(53kg)
gw#2:110(50kg)
gw#3:105(47kg)
gw#4:99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (45kg)


U R F-A-T.
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT TO B?


STOP EATING.

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